Bisexuality and Me

Apparently when I was a teenager, everyone thought I was going to be/gay.

I was unaware of this. I found out yesterday when my brother told me. He came over to help with packing and we endedup going through albums of old photos of the two us when we were children. I was such a tomboy; you would have thought our parents had twin boys, not opposite-sex twins. I had the same haircut as Mark, we dressed the same way.

You could also tell the moment in the pictures that puberty hit and it was like I overnight became a girl. I grew my hair and had it permed, and hairsprayed half to death. Arms covered in jelly bracelets. acid wash denim shorts or skirt over leggings or fishnets. Oversize neon sweaters off the shoulder. Big poufy flouncy dresses. If Madonna wore it, I wore it!
(That’s not the subject of this post though I may have to write about it anothe day)

That’s not the reason they thought I was gay, though. I was a nerd in school. I liked science and maths and engineering. I was in the chess club. My dad thought this all meant I was ‘one of those homosexuals’ and he was more worried about that than he was bringing up a girl on his own (My mum sadly passed away in 1980). He knew women, he knew girls; he didn’t know a single gay person.

I was about 14 the first time I had sexual feeling for a girl. It was in the changing rooms after a PE lesson and her name was Pamela. I remember we were all in various stages of puberty, lots of budding breasts and so on, but this girl was… shapely. She had this amazing pear shape and full breasts and, well, let’s just say if I was a boy I would have popped a boner.
I shared 3 subjects with her for something like 3 years but I could barely manage to speak to her because I was overcome with shyness caused by hormones!

At the same time though, I had a huge crush on David – he ran the chess club. He liked Star Trek and Doctor Who, he was my main competition for top of the class in maths and science and we had a friendy rivalry all through school. He was this short, skinny boy who did long distance running. We started dating when we were 15, stayed together for maybe 3 years until we both moved away to different universities.

University was when I had my first relationship with a woman, so we’re talking late 1980s. Gay was something men were, they got AIDS and they died, and they all looked either like Freddie Mercury or the guys in Right Said Fre. Lisa, this girl’s name was, and she was in some of the sames maths classes as me. Took me completely by surprise when she kissed me in the library in the middle of a study session and taught me women could be gay too. Taught me lots of things. We went pretty steady for about 2 years but then she finished university and moved home. I stayed on to do my Masters and we just… drifted apart

I dated a few guys, but never seriously. I was always far more focussed on school, science, on work and it always quickly became obvious I wasn’t the ‘wife’ they were looking for. I didn’t know how to meet women and the women I did, were intimidated by me. I wasn’t a typical lesbian. I wasn’t what they were looking for.

By my late 20s, I’d pretty much resigned myself to spinsterhood. At least I liked cats.

Then, in 1997, I met a guy called Jack. We were introduced by a mutual friend and to say there were fireworks would be an understatement. There was sex against a wall in the back alley behind a club… and I married him seven years later. That was almost 13 years ago and we’re still happily married – I can be quite certain in calling him the love of my life. Lucy, our girlfriend of 8 years, comes in a close second in that regard.

Bridget Jones’s Diary

Bridget Jones’s Diary documents the life, loves and calories of a 30 something ‘singleton’ who specialises in broken relationships, dysfunctional parents, the ability to infuse diets with Mars Bars and blue soup. In short, this is a satirical look at the life of a young woman living in the 21st century whose only idea of culture is a night in front of the TV watching blind date.

This is a very funny book and Helen Fielding in creating Bridget has given us a character who is very easy to identify with. The humour in the book comes from watching her do the things we’ve all done a million times before but have never admitted to. For example, we have all at some point cursed the invention of 1471 for what in the end becomes an obsessive compulsion to see if that one special person has called … and have all therefore been plunged into a pit of despair when we discover that the last and only person to ever call was your dad!

My only criticism of the book is that it has a slightly predictable ending; though leaving Bridget to any other fate would only have left readers feeling cheated. This is a book for all those people who understand the importance of chocolate and who indulge their addictions even against their better judgement. We’ve all been there and bought the t-shirt – now you can read the book.

PS I Love You

My guilty pleasure when it comes to reading is a good chick-lit – or a romantic comedy, if you will. I’ve been feeling a little down lately so I pulled out an old favourite for a re-read. PS I Love You by Cecilia Ahern. I’ve read it quite a few times and I really do enjoy it.

I’ve always found it an intriguing premise for a novel, and an inspirational idea in general. Holly is a newly-widowed 29-year-old who discovers that her husband has left her a “list” of instructions for her to follow as she adjusts to life without him. Some of the instructions are simple, some not, but all come from the love that they had for one another and his desire that she be okay on her own, as her own person.

How Holly adjusts to this new scenario is very interesting – the people she was used to leaning on disappear, and ones who were always problematic turn out to be her best support. I’m particularly pleased with the character of Holly’s mother, Elizabeth, and the fact that she knows what to say (and, more importantly, what to leave unsaid).

I’m always surprised by some of the sequences – there were points where the storyline could easily become sterotypical but then it goes in a different direction entirely. I love when that happens. A brilliant first novel and one that always makes me want to read more of Cecilia Ahern’s books

Astrophysics For People In A Hurry

Before I say anything else, I need to preface this post with two things:
Firstly, I haven’t written a book report or review since secondary school which was a lifetime ago and I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing
Secondly, I rather adore Neil deGrasse Tyson and the man can basically do no wrong in my eyes.

Having said that, I thoroughly enjoyed his latest offering Astrophysics For People In A Hurry

Is it a marketing trick, I wonder? Publishing a “small book” and then even attaching the words “… for people in a hurry”. Or is it an elaborate joke by Neil Degrasse Tyson himself?

Because this book isn’t all that small content-wise.

Books about the universe make you realise how insignificant we are, but this book also explains how little we know. We think we know, but we know NOTHING. Eighty-five percent of all gravity comes from an unexplained source, dark matter. Then there’s dark energy, which we also don’t know anything about. There are theories, yes, but they’re just that. The book also tells us about Einstein, who in my opinion is the star of this book (and not just the book!). He managed to pose theories that to this day stand up to the many tests.

I had preordered it a few months ago and had forgotten all about it. It was a very nice surprise when it arrived (The joy of preordering stuff !) A few chapters in, I decided to also buy the audio version. Listening to Degrasse Tyson’s voice while laying in bed is like having a warm, comfortable blanket on you. (Sorry, Jack!)

The material within the book, however, has the power to knock you right out. So I wouldn’t really recommend listening to this while preparing to sleep. The implications of this book are slightly frightening. The promise that this book will “in a hurry” prepare you for your next cocktail party where you can pretend you are knowledgeable about the universe is slightly misleading. No, this book is a gateway into astrophysics. It tells us not to be in a hurry, stand still and realise you are part of a great mystery.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re here, shall we dance

It’s all very rock & roll here in the Anderson household.

I spent most of the day napping, painkillers making me drowsy – joined at various points by one or more cats and/or dogs. At no point were husband or girlfriend invited, I’m sadly still hurting too much for that. Napping with either/both of them tends to be less napping and more… ahh what was that hilarious term I heard yesterday? Oh, I don’t recall but there’s generally not much napping to be had! They understand but still pout at me.

Friday nights are normally date nights and we tend to go out for a meal and then to the cinema because we’re all big film buffs. I’m nowhere near mobile enough on crutches for that right now which is disappointing because I was looking forward to seeing Transformers: The Last Knight. Instead we ordered pizza in, stuck Ant-Man in the DVD player and had a few rocking games of Monopoly.

All that excitement has worn me out so I’m back up in bed (one cat, one dog) listening to music, reading both your posts and my book, although I don’t think it’ll be long before sleep claims me again

A Few Things About Me

One of the things I like to make people aware of when they first meet me is that I am bisexual. I have been burned too many times by starting to get to know people, thinking I’m making friends and then being spurned because they discover I’m bisexual. Jack has assured me that the majority of people online don’t care about other people’s sexualities, that you’re all more accepting of different/alternative lifestyles.

I think quite a few of you know Jack and about our family but for those who don’t, as well as being bisexual, I’m in a polyamorous triad. I have been married to Jack since August 2004 and I can quite happily call him the love of my life. Jack and I also have a serious girlfriend called Lucy who we’ve been with 2010.

I will say straight away, that if any of this upsets/offends/bothers you, then please simply hit the unfriend button. There will be no hard feelings. I quite understand. But please act like a civil/mature person about it and refrain from attacking or namecalling or any such behaviour.

On the other hand, if you have any questions – which I know a lot of people do – then please ask and I’ll answer how I can. I’m no expert on polyamory, this is my only relationship of this kind and can only speak from personal experience but I’m always happy to talk about the people I love!

First blog post

So this is me. This is my blog.

First posts are awful, don’t you think? One only hopes most people miss this on their first stumble across the site, and only make their way to it much much later – when we’re much better acquainted and my early missteps can be forgiven!

So who am I?
I’m a scientist and a teacher, but nothing like you would expect from either of those terms.
I like flouncy dresses – and leather jackets.
I love to read – long books that I can lose myself in, popular science non-fiction, Shakespeare… and cheesy chick lit.
I love sweet treats of all shapes and sizes – especially cupcakes, donuts and fudge. And a good cup of tea.
I love bright colours – and all things cute and kitsch

I’m not as much of a girl as you would expect though. I’m also a rugby fan (Cardiff RFC for life!), an engineer, a mechanic and a gardener. I enjoy a good game of chess or sudoku.

You can expect me to talk about a good mix of that – science, books, dresses, rugby, shoes, science fiction and cupcakes

Settle in, the kettle’s on.