Polyamory seems to be one of those topics that a lot of people have many preconceived notions about – a lot of which are completely wrong. You will probably already be forming an image in your mind of what my life is like based on the fact that I’m not monogamous.
I can tell you now that I am not having group sex or mad orgies.
My life does not revolve around sex – yes, I enjoy it and have a high sex drive but that is not related to polyamory.
I’m not cheating on anyone or sleeping around behind anyone’s back.
I don’t have sex with everyone I meet.
I don’t have an open relationship.
I’m not a swinger or into partner swapping
are there poly relationships like this? Yes, of course – and many many many more variations as well.
I have been married to my husband, Jack, for almost 13 years and we’ve been together for 18. We have a girlfriend, Lucy, and she’s been with us for 8 years. So you can forget any notion that I have commitment issues. There was nothing missing in our relationship before Lucy joined us, never a sense of incompleteness; Lucy added an extra dynamic, an extra layer that we didn’t know was even possible.
Jack and Lucy were engaged in a BDSM relationship for a few months – a non-sexual relationship at that. That’s a whole other dynamic to our relationship that isn’t pertinent to poly and can be discussed at another point. We had a few threesomes during that time and I also watched them play. I still remember the day Jack sat down with me, serious face on and said “You’ve got something on your mind, it’s about Lucy and if I know you, I know what you’re thinking so just come out and tell me so I can tell you you’re right.” And I told him I thought I was falling for her. And he was too. We sat down with Lucy and talked about things and started dating. A few months later she moved in with us.
I am in a closed, poly, triad. There has never been any talk of bringing a fourth person in, or of any of us having a relationship with another person outside of our group.
If there’s anything you want to have clarification on or are simply just curious – please ask me and the chances are I will answer.
But, really, the main thing is that we’re no different than any straight, monogamous couple – it’s just that there’s three of us, rather than two. The one thing I can tell you is that I love both of them fiercely and cannot imagine my life without either of them in it