Happy Anniversary, Jack!

Today is my 13th wedding annivesary. 13 years ago I said, through tears and smiles, “I do” to my love . I first met him in 1997, we were introduced by a mutual friend, and he stole my heart with one smile. It wasn’t love at first sight but it was definitely lust. It took 7 years to get to the wedding and I love him just as much, if not more, than I did all those years ago.
I’m such a soppy heart but… I do love him.

My presents to him, as I mentioned the other day were a pair of silver lace chantilly cufflinks, a pair of flashing shoelaces and a vibrating prostate massager.
Amusingly, he got me a beautiful necklace from the same collection – a silver lace chantilly pendant. And some lacy negligee.
Lucy got us these beautiful black lace candle holders, she got me a pair of silver and lace earrings, and Jack a pair of new workboots.
Jack’s son has booked me and Jack a weekend-break away in Nottingham which is famous for its lace.

Early this evening Jack and I are going out for a meal where he has promised to wear a suit and his new cufflinks. Then later tonight I suspect much fun with new toys for the three of us.

It almost makes up not being able to get down to Cardiff this afternoon to see my Blue and Blacks play the Carmarthen Quins. Instead, because the DVD jumped out at me when we were packing them, we’re curled up watching CSI: Las Vegas. All the way back to season one with my love for Gil Grissom and Sara Sidle. It’s pretty dated now but still very enjoyable. Not a bad way to spend an afternoon at all.

Advertisements

I’m with them

Polyamory seems to be one of those topics that a lot of people have many preconceived notions about – a lot of which are completely wrong. You will probably already be forming an image in your mind of what my life is like based on the fact that I’m not monogamous.

I can tell you now that I am not having group sex or mad orgies.
My life does not revolve around sex – yes, I enjoy it and have a high sex drive but that is not related to polyamory.
I’m not cheating on anyone or sleeping around behind anyone’s back.
I don’t have sex with everyone I meet.
I don’t have an open relationship.
I’m not a swinger or into partner swapping
are there poly relationships like this? Yes, of course – and many many many more variations as well.

I have been married to my husband, Jack, for almost 13 years and we’ve been together for 18. We have a girlfriend, Lucy, and she’s been with us for 8 years. So you can forget any notion that I have commitment issues. There was nothing missing in our relationship before Lucy joined us, never a sense of incompleteness; Lucy added an extra dynamic, an extra layer that we didn’t know was even possible.

Jack and Lucy were engaged in a BDSM relationship for a few months – a non-sexual relationship at that. That’s a whole other dynamic to our relationship that isn’t pertinent to poly and can be discussed at another point. We had a few threesomes during that time and I also watched them play. I still remember the day Jack sat down with me, serious face on and said “You’ve got something on your mind, it’s about Lucy and if I know you, I know what you’re thinking so just come out and tell me so I can tell you you’re right.” And I told him I thought I was falling for her. And he was too. We sat down with Lucy and talked about things and started dating. A few months later she moved in with us.

I am in a closed, poly, triad. There has never been any talk of bringing a fourth person in, or of any of us having a relationship with another person outside of our group.

If there’s anything you want to have clarification on or are simply just curious – please ask me and the chances are I will answer.

But, really, the main thing is that we’re no different than any straight, monogamous couple – it’s just that there’s three of us, rather than two. The one thing I can tell you is that I love both of them fiercely and cannot imagine my life without either of them in it

Love

I opened up this post an entry page to write a thoughtful entry about polyamory and my experiences of it vs people’s misconceptions. Something similar to my post about my bisexuality. I got as far as writing “I am polyamorous” but that was a couple of hours ago and apparently before I was able to get any further I fell asleep.

I’ve woken up to find myself stretched out along the couch, my head in Jack’s lap and two cats asleep on me. Jack is grumbling about the crossword he’s doing and playing with my hair. The dog’s asleep on his feet. Lucy is curled up in the armchair watching videos on youtube.

I do still intend to write that post but not right now because I’m about to head to bed. I just wanted to share our current scene of domestic bliss because it makes me so happy. I am an incredibly lucky woman to have Jack & Lucy in my life and I love them both so much.

Bisexuality and Me

Apparently when I was a teenager, everyone thought I was going to be/gay.

I was unaware of this. I found out yesterday when my brother told me. He came over to help with packing and we endedup going through albums of old photos of the two us when we were children. I was such a tomboy; you would have thought our parents had twin boys, not opposite-sex twins. I had the same haircut as Mark, we dressed the same way.

You could also tell the moment in the pictures that puberty hit and it was like I overnight became a girl. I grew my hair and had it permed, and hairsprayed half to death. Arms covered in jelly bracelets. acid wash denim shorts or skirt over leggings or fishnets. Oversize neon sweaters off the shoulder. Big poufy flouncy dresses. If Madonna wore it, I wore it!
(That’s not the subject of this post though I may have to write about it anothe day)

That’s not the reason they thought I was gay, though. I was a nerd in school. I liked science and maths and engineering. I was in the chess club. My dad thought this all meant I was ‘one of those homosexuals’ and he was more worried about that than he was bringing up a girl on his own (My mum sadly passed away in 1980). He knew women, he knew girls; he didn’t know a single gay person.

I was about 14 the first time I had sexual feeling for a girl. It was in the changing rooms after a PE lesson and her name was Pamela. I remember we were all in various stages of puberty, lots of budding breasts and so on, but this girl was… shapely. She had this amazing pear shape and full breasts and, well, let’s just say if I was a boy I would have popped a boner.
I shared 3 subjects with her for something like 3 years but I could barely manage to speak to her because I was overcome with shyness caused by hormones!

At the same time though, I had a huge crush on David – he ran the chess club. He liked Star Trek and Doctor Who, he was my main competition for top of the class in maths and science and we had a friendy rivalry all through school. He was this short, skinny boy who did long distance running. We started dating when we were 15, stayed together for maybe 3 years until we both moved away to different universities.

University was when I had my first relationship with a woman, so we’re talking late 1980s. Gay was something men were, they got AIDS and they died, and they all looked either like Freddie Mercury or the guys in Right Said Fre. Lisa, this girl’s name was, and she was in some of the sames maths classes as me. Took me completely by surprise when she kissed me in the library in the middle of a study session and taught me women could be gay too. Taught me lots of things. We went pretty steady for about 2 years but then she finished university and moved home. I stayed on to do my Masters and we just… drifted apart

I dated a few guys, but never seriously. I was always far more focussed on school, science, on work and it always quickly became obvious I wasn’t the ‘wife’ they were looking for. I didn’t know how to meet women and the women I did, were intimidated by me. I wasn’t a typical lesbian. I wasn’t what they were looking for.

By my late 20s, I’d pretty much resigned myself to spinsterhood. At least I liked cats.

Then, in 1997, I met a guy called Jack. We were introduced by a mutual friend and to say there were fireworks would be an understatement. There was sex against a wall in the back alley behind a club… and I married him seven years later. That was almost 13 years ago and we’re still happily married – I can be quite certain in calling him the love of my life. Lucy, our girlfriend of 8 years, comes in a close second in that regard.