What’s your name again?

Hi, I’m Samantha and earlier today I forgot my husband’s name.

OK so that makes it sound a little more dramatic than what actually happened but as an opening line I really liked it!

Jack had a fracture clinic appointment this morning so I went up to the hospital with him. We were sitting in the x-ray department waiting room, waiting for him to be called. I’m vaguely aware of names being called but none of them his… until one point where he stands up then offers me a hand up. I’m confused because I didn’t hear them call him, and tell him so. And then I slowly register that a nurse had just called ‘Jonathan Anderson’.

Oh. Right. They meant my husband. Jack’s legal name is Jonathan. It always takes me a moment to put ‘Jonathan’ and my Jack togheher. Because he’s not Jonathan to me. He’s Jack. He’s always been Jack, and he’ll always be Jack. He’s Jack to pretty much everyone – except for his late Father and his older brothers. At our wedding, I even called him Jack when I said my vows.

I suspect he’ll be poking fun at me for that for a few days to come!

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do what makes your soul shine

Lazy Sundays with Jack and Lucy are some of my favourites. The funk of mild depression I’ve been having the last few weeks has lifted and I feel like I’ve properly enjoyed myself for the first time in… a few months.

The morning was spent in bed, both sleeping and playing (details available upon request), followed by lunch out a local carvery. We ate far too much food before coming home and spending the afternoon in a blanket pile playing Cards Against Humanity. Some beers were drunk, some joints were smoked and the afternoon passed blissfully.

The munchies gave cause to some baking. Rocky Road cupcakes, currently sitting on the counter cooling. Chocolate cupcakes with a little hidden marshmallow centre. I’ll wait to decorate them when I’m a little more in control of all my faculties but the plan is chocolate buttercream icing, mini marshmallows and sprinkles.
I’ll share the recipe if anyone’s interested?

Jack and Lucy are making some dinner – we’re being very adult and having cheese omelette, baked beans and sausages because between us, that’s what we wanted. Ah the dinners of the old and inebriated!

The plan for this evening is watching some Legends Of Tomorrow and imagining a threesome with Snart & Sara but while I’m waiting for food to apear, I’m going to post a little Geek Girl Meme that I copied from somewhere on the internet but forgot to note down where from. Sorry. If I stole this from you, please let me know!

1. What is your must-have tech gadget? It has to be my phone. I can organise my life from this baby – calendar, emails, notes. I can listen to music, play games, watch tv. What can’t I do with my phone? It even makes phone calls!
2. Which house do you belong to in Hogwarts? Slytherin.
3. Who is your favorite Doctor? This is such a hard character. I have three main favourites – Jon Pertween, Tom Baker and David Tennant. I suppose if I had to pick just one, it’d be… um.. Four. Tom Baker.
4. If you could have dinner with any fictional character, who would it be? Trying not to be very shallow and pick someone just because they’re pretty. I think General Leia Organa Solo would be an incredible woman to sit down and talk with. She’s been through so much, lost so much yet she’s still this strong, powerful, FORCE of a woman.
5. What is your gaming system of choice? I’m not a gamer.
6. If you had a super power, what would it be? Teleportation
7. What is your favorite fantasy world? The United Federation Of Planets
8. If you could be any fictional race, what would you be? a Tolkien elf
9. Star Trek or Star Wars? Yes. Don’t make me choose, I love both. I grew up with both. I love them.
10. List your top 5 geektastic movies or TV Series.Doctor Who
Star Trek
Star Wars
Marvel Cinematic Universe
DC movies/shows
11. List your top 5 favorite video games. I’m still not a gamer.

Right here’s food. Time to rearrange and dig in. Enjoy your evening!

a series of unfortuante events

If I was a superstitous woman, I’d probably be starting to think that our move this summer, our new house and my new job were cursed. I’m not at all and I don’t believe in that kind of thing but that’s still not stopping me from half wanting to pack us back up to Bangor – the old house hasn’t sold yet, so… it’s theoretically feasible.

It feels like since I accepted this job, everything has gone wrong. I broke my leg, Lucy had a stay in hospital and now Jack’s broken his wrist and suffered a concussion.

We were out walking the dogs yesterday morning, one of them pulled on the lead. Jack pulled back and his foot slipped on a wet leaf. He went down and automatically went to put his hand out to break his fall but it didn’t work, he twisted on it and smacked his head on the ground hard enough to knock himself out. He spent yesterday and last night in hospital, I fell apart a little but I got to bring him home this afternoon. He’s conked out on the couch next to me – it seems neither of us slept very well last night. I probably should have taken a sleeping pill when Lucy took one.

Logically, I know it has nothing to do with moving. That none of it has. Not even the hurricane blustering around us. We’re not that important in the scheme of things. It’s all just been some terrible luck.

Logically, I know that people slip over and land awkwardly all the time. I know that as the body ages, bones break more easily. I’m relieved that the hospital took the time to properly do obs on Jack and kept him in because he had a brain injury and he’s not getting any younger. I’ve got him home, he’s going to be ok. He is ok.

Logically, I know that Lucy has a number of chronic mental health conditions which lead to stays in hospital. This happens on a number of ocassions and moving is stressful no matter how much we tried to cushion the experience for her. We were half-expecting it to happen, although it doesn’t make it any easier. It’s part of her illness, one we all know.

Logically, I know I fell down the stairs because I was carrying too much, wasn’t paying attention and having an argument heated discussion with a colleague. It’s a recipe for disaster.

Logic, however, plays no part in my current status of hysterical woman wanting to wrap up her family and keep them safe.

they’re out there…somewhere…maybe…

I came home from work this evening to find Jack and Lucy watching War Of The Worlds. I’m all for a good science-fiction movie, I do enjoy stories of alien invasions and I’ve been half wanting to watch the film for many years. I’m just not sure I can sit through several hours of Tom Cruise. So instead I’m hiding in my office and listening to Jeff Wayne’s musical version.

On the Tom Cruise note, I used to be a fan, back in the late 80s/early 90s. I have many fond memories of watching the likes of Cocktail, Top Guns, Days Of Thunder, A Few Good Men. Jack loves his Mission Impossible movies. But that was before the utter craziness of his Scientology ways. Have you ever actually read about this cult? Jesus, the fuck…? People believe this shit? I mean, the idea of reincarnation is fine, and the whole working towards spiritual and educational enlightenment is fair enough. But Xenu? The galatic tyrant who apparently stacked up billions of frozen bodies and then blew them up with H-bombs, for reasons known only to His Galatic Mightyness? And, by the way, it’s the souls of those dead shmucks sticking to our bodies that causes mental disorders and diseases and shit. Yeah, who knew? Weird fucking shit, I’m telling you

But I digress. The War of the Worlds. So anyway, It’s on Spotify and I’m trying to recall if I’ve ever listened to it properly before. I don’t think I have, not in it’s entirety. It’s… interesting, certainly. Very prog-rock. And I do love the orchestral bits. Dun-dun-DUN! Most of the songs are fairly average, although I’ve always liked Forever Autumn. Never actually knew it was from this.

Happy Anniversary, Jack!

Today is my 13th wedding annivesary. 13 years ago I said, through tears and smiles, “I do” to my love . I first met him in 1997, we were introduced by a mutual friend, and he stole my heart with one smile. It wasn’t love at first sight but it was definitely lust. It took 7 years to get to the wedding and I love him just as much, if not more, than I did all those years ago.
I’m such a soppy heart but… I do love him.

My presents to him, as I mentioned the other day were a pair of silver lace chantilly cufflinks, a pair of flashing shoelaces and a vibrating prostate massager.
Amusingly, he got me a beautiful necklace from the same collection – a silver lace chantilly pendant. And some lacy negligee.
Lucy got us these beautiful black lace candle holders, she got me a pair of silver and lace earrings, and Jack a pair of new workboots.
Jack’s son has booked me and Jack a weekend-break away in Nottingham which is famous for its lace.

Early this evening Jack and I are going out for a meal where he has promised to wear a suit and his new cufflinks. Then later tonight I suspect much fun with new toys for the three of us.

It almost makes up not being able to get down to Cardiff this afternoon to see my Blue and Blacks play the Carmarthen Quins. Instead, because the DVD jumped out at me when we were packing them, we’re curled up watching CSI: Las Vegas. All the way back to season one with my love for Gil Grissom and Sara Sidle. It’s pretty dated now but still very enjoyable. Not a bad way to spend an afternoon at all.

I’m with them

Polyamory seems to be one of those topics that a lot of people have many preconceived notions about – a lot of which are completely wrong. You will probably already be forming an image in your mind of what my life is like based on the fact that I’m not monogamous.

I can tell you now that I am not having group sex or mad orgies.
My life does not revolve around sex – yes, I enjoy it and have a high sex drive but that is not related to polyamory.
I’m not cheating on anyone or sleeping around behind anyone’s back.
I don’t have sex with everyone I meet.
I don’t have an open relationship.
I’m not a swinger or into partner swapping
are there poly relationships like this? Yes, of course – and many many many more variations as well.

I have been married to my husband, Jack, for almost 13 years and we’ve been together for 18. We have a girlfriend, Lucy, and she’s been with us for 8 years. So you can forget any notion that I have commitment issues. There was nothing missing in our relationship before Lucy joined us, never a sense of incompleteness; Lucy added an extra dynamic, an extra layer that we didn’t know was even possible.

Jack and Lucy were engaged in a BDSM relationship for a few months – a non-sexual relationship at that. That’s a whole other dynamic to our relationship that isn’t pertinent to poly and can be discussed at another point. We had a few threesomes during that time and I also watched them play. I still remember the day Jack sat down with me, serious face on and said “You’ve got something on your mind, it’s about Lucy and if I know you, I know what you’re thinking so just come out and tell me so I can tell you you’re right.” And I told him I thought I was falling for her. And he was too. We sat down with Lucy and talked about things and started dating. A few months later she moved in with us.

I am in a closed, poly, triad. There has never been any talk of bringing a fourth person in, or of any of us having a relationship with another person outside of our group.

If there’s anything you want to have clarification on or are simply just curious – please ask me and the chances are I will answer.

But, really, the main thing is that we’re no different than any straight, monogamous couple – it’s just that there’s three of us, rather than two. The one thing I can tell you is that I love both of them fiercely and cannot imagine my life without either of them in it

Love

I opened up this post an entry page to write a thoughtful entry about polyamory and my experiences of it vs people’s misconceptions. Something similar to my post about my bisexuality. I got as far as writing “I am polyamorous” but that was a couple of hours ago and apparently before I was able to get any further I fell asleep.

I’ve woken up to find myself stretched out along the couch, my head in Jack’s lap and two cats asleep on me. Jack is grumbling about the crossword he’s doing and playing with my hair. The dog’s asleep on his feet. Lucy is curled up in the armchair watching videos on youtube.

I do still intend to write that post but not right now because I’m about to head to bed. I just wanted to share our current scene of domestic bliss because it makes me so happy. I am an incredibly lucky woman to have Jack & Lucy in my life and I love them both so much.